The Purpose of Dating: Discernment and Friendship

In today’s fast-paced world, the concept of dating can often feel ambiguous. The cultural influences and societal norms can blur the lines between casual dating and intentional dating. For Christians, understanding the purpose of dating is pivotal. It’s not merely about finding a partner but discerning God’s will and building a deep-rooted friendship. Let’s explore the differences between these two dating paradigms and offer actionable advice for those navigating these waters.

Casual Dating vs. Intentional Dating

Nature of Commitment:

• Casual:
  • It’s often exploratory, without long-term plans.
  • The focus is more on the ‘now’ than the future.
• Intentional:
  • Every step is taken with the potential of a lifelong commitment in mind.
  • Proverbs 20:25 warns, “It is a snare for a man to make a rash dedication, then later to consider his vows.”

Depth of Connection:

• Casual:
  • Connections might remain superficial.
  • Conversations often avoid deeper topics like values, faith, or future plans.
• Intentional:
  • Conversations dive deep.
  • As Proverbs 27:17 says, “Iron sharpens iron; so a man sharpens his friend’s countenance.”
  • In intentional dating, partners challenge and grow each other spiritually.

Boundaries:

• Casual:
  • Boundaries can be fluid, with both parties possibly unsure about the limits.
• Intentional:
  • Boundaries are clearly defined.
  • There’s mutual respect for each other’s values, and decisions are grounded in mutual faith.
  • 1 Thessalonians 4:3-4 emphasizes, “For this is the will of God: your sanctification, that you abstain from sexual immorality, that each one of you know how to possess himself of his own vessel in sanctification and honor.”

Actionable Tips and Advice for Purposeful Dating

1. Pray for Discernment:
   • Before stepping into the world of dating, always seek divine guidance.
   • James 1:5 promises, “But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach; and it will be given to him.”
2. Define Your Intentions:
   • Are you dating just to ‘see where things go,’ or are you genuinely searching for a potential life partner?
   • By defining your intentions early, you can align your actions and decisions accordingly.
3. Engage in Purposeful Conversations:
   • Intentional dating demands depth.
   • Discuss faith, values, life goals, family, and where you both see the relationship heading.
4. Seek Accountability:
   • Engage trusted friends, mentors, or spiritual leaders to hold you accountable in your dating journey.
   • They can offer wise counsel and ensure you remain grounded in your faith.
5. Set Boundaries:
   • Clearly communicate and establish boundaries that respect both individual’s values and convictions.
   • Remember, boundaries aren’t restrictions but a sign of mutual respect and care.
6. Prioritize Friendship:
   • Beyond romantic feelings, the foundation of a lasting relationship is genuine friendship.
   • Proverbs 17:17 states, “A friend loves at all times.”
   • Strive to cultivate a bond where you can laugh, trust, and grow together.
7. Educate Yourself:
   • Read biblically grounded books on relationships and attend workshops or seminars that offer Christian perspectives on dating.
8. Stay Patient and Trust God’s Timing:
   • While you may be eager to move forward, remember that God’s timing is perfect.
   • Trust in His plans and be patient.
   • Ecclesiastes 3:1 assures, “For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven.”

Dating, in the Christian perspective, isn’t just about finding love. It’s about discerning God’s will, establishing a firm foundation of friendship, and purposefully journeying towards a commitment that honors God. In a world where the lines can often blur, grounding oneself in scripture, seeking wise counsel, and praying for discernment can guide individuals in distinguishing between casual and intentional dating.

Remember, every relationship is unique. What’s vital is ensuring that God remains at the center, guiding every step, conversation, and decision. As you navigate the complexities of dating, may your heart remain anchored in discernment and genuine friendship.